Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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