So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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