I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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