god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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