I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I know her cup size but not her name....
We smell like vodka and hangover
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