all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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