No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
