I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Randomize
