The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
