Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
