Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
