just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
