Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
