oh god the rape fog is back!
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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