just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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