I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
