Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
