guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
