I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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