Yo dont text me then not text me
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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