he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Randomize
