I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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