She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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