Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
