I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize