Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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