What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
