I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize