I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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