I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
