and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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