is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
