She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
