the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
