This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
