Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
