none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
