There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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