they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
