just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
