I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
