do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
