spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
