He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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