: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
