The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
