I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
