I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
