I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
