It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
