There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
