Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
