Three words: puerto rican gang bang
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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