i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
