I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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