and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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