Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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