Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
try to milk me bitch
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