I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
