If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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