im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
