she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
