The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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