felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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