some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
