you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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