Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
