arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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