so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
