In the future we'll all be gay
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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