the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
